Does it seem more and more like your man is asking you to pay the bill on your nights out? Despite the cliche, sugar mamas are on the rise. This quid pro quo works for some relationships just fine, if that’s what both parties are okay with. However, if you’re not okay with financing a deadbeat, here are some helpful tips that show he’s in the relationship for the money and not you.
“But he paid for things at first!”
They often do; it’s a classic move on the part of the true gold digger. Often they will have other means to pay, such as credit until you’ve been lulled into a sense of security. This would be fine for most guys, as times are tough, and the economy hasn’t been kind to a lot of people. But if it’s happening in your relationship all the time now, it’s something to keep in mind!
How can you be sure? Try getting him to pay a few times, or even to split the bill with you. This should be a fair compromise in most situations and is very typical in the modern dating scene. You’re a modern woman, and you take chivalry with a grain of salt. The harder he resists, you may want to press and find out why.
Look at the finances. If you’re more financially secure that he is, even if you’re no millionaire yourself, then it’s another sign to be on the look out for. Does he have a job and/or does he make enough to provide well enough for himself? Or even a pension and retirement plan. The wider the gap is between you, the more you should be on the lookout for this type of man.
He’s asked for money. Has he asked you for a loan? Tying somewhat into the finances, it’s one thing to have money issues and another entirely if he is actively seeking your financial aid. Especially if it never seems to be his fault, and his story is pitched in such a way as to tug at your heartstrings. They’ll play into your trust and affection here because this is the ultimate goal.
But if you really love someone, shouldn’t you be able to help them? Of course, if that’s what you want to do. The thing to be careful about is if it keeps happening. If he’s not trying to better his situation at all, isn’t stressing himself out about not having a better job and staying up long nights job hunting, and seems okay with just using your money, it could be a sign.
If he’s asked for help that isn’t money, like with helping him find a new job so he can better his situation, this may not be a bad thing. If he’s real about it, then it could be a good thing. It’s also far easier to find a new job when you already know someone.
Potentially, he might not ask outright for a loan and just indirectly refer to his problems. But there’s a difference between seeking your aid and complaining about his problems while trying to work it out on his own.
He likes the finer things. Does he taste in clothes or restaurants tend to lean toward the pricier side of the scale? Has he maxed out credit cards doing this? If he would rather go out to shop for clothes than spending the evening with you, cuddled up and watching a movie on Netflix, then it could potentially be another sign of things not being right. If he’s not just about money, then it shouldn’t matter if you’re not taking him out to $100 restaurants or buying him expensive gifts.
One suggestion for this is, on asking you out, leave your wallet or purse at home. How he reacts to this could end up telling you a lot more about him than he’s letting on.
Did discussions on your financial situation come up early? Whether it happened on a dating site, or early on he asked where you worked or how much you made, it could be a big sign. Especially if he didn’t seem to have an interest in anything about your life other than that. Instead of answering these outright, the suggestion is actually to keep your answers vague and talk about other things. For instance, tell him about where you grew up, about your family, and happy childhood memories. Or you can stick to common interests as conversation starters. Money should not be one of the very first things that come up when getting to know a potential significant other.
Keep track of your physical intimacy. If he’s repaying your generosity with sex, rather than returning the favor in some other way, this is also looked at as a tip-off. Sexual favors is an old payment for money, no matter what century or gender it’s coming from. If the only time he’s having sex with you seems to be when he’s thanking you for your financial assistance, then it may be time to say no and see if he’ll fix your computer or wash dishes instead.
If he does care for you, he’ll do these other things and more, without money, that shows he appreciates everything you do. You shouldn’t need to ask either. Some of the best gifts that your partner can give is something that has more meaning than financial value. If he volunteers to cook dinner for you after you’ve had a long day at work, brings you handmade gifts without any prompting at all, or even goes old school with hand written love letters or mix CDs, he could still be a keeper.
Mostly, just use your best judgment in the situation. If you’re wanting more than he’s giving or feeling like you’re putting forth more emotion in the relationship than he is, it’s always good to either work on that together or break it off. If you’re not comfortable providing for him financially, then as hard as that might be, it should be the same deal breaker. Decide for yourself if you’re comfortable with this kind of relationship, as it may not be inherently bad. Depending on if he does seem to care for you or not, and you’re comfortable with being the main provider, then it can still be a perfectly healthy relationship.
written by: Christina Q.